He may not have psychic powers, but kenetic powers...

Even though, its on hiatus at the moment. Every time I watch Psych, one thing is made abundantly clear... The star James Roday would be perfect if they ever make an X-Factor movie or any other kind of X-Film with Multiple Man in a large role. Seeing his Hi-jinx as Shawn Spencer week after week makes me think of the awesomeness of having a scene with 5 or 10 of him having an argument over how played the leader of the Cobra Kai's in Karate Kid, or whether or not Humphrey Bogart actually said, "Play it again, Sam." In Casablanca.

A Ranty Review

So, I finally broke down and watched the live action G.I. Joe and since seeing it I have been talking every one's ears off about how terrible this movies is. I figured I'd better write these things down here before I lose any friends or family members over my incessant nit picking of this movie. Now, It's true that I still enjoy the
80s cartoon, but I hardly call myself a die hard fan. I don't own any G.I.Joes and I've only read a handful of their comics... Still this movie was terrible and before you read ahead (just in case you haven't seen this terrible terrible movie). This review (rant) is chocked full of spoilers.

After watching I really believed that this was written as a futuristic military movie and during the second draft on of the producers thought that they could change a few names in the script slap the name G.I.Joe on it and they could collect more money and get it made easier. Watching this movie I could not find any choice the director made as being passable yet alone the correct choice. First there's the lame explanation of G.I.Joe that goes along with Duke and Ripcord's recruitment. this was so lame, I really wish more directors would get the advice Mike Baron gave me when I should him my comic book ideas. Show Don't Tell!!! They spent way to much time explain the concept of G.I. Joe when they could have saved so much time just dropping you in a la Star Wars and letting you discover this world as the plot unfolds rather than just using every military movie cliche to over explain everything. Next there's "The Baroness" whose so lame the cartoon version would pimp slap the taste out of her mouth if the two ever met.

This movie feels like the writers did absolutely zero research while making this movie. Zero. Probably the least offense is making Ripcord black. The flashbacks of Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow I felt were better than the actual movie. The film makers completely ruined The Baroness, turning her for a hard as nails femme fatale who is ruthless and will betray anyone friend or foe to accomplish her goals. Into a weak brainwashed damsel in distress. Whom is rescued by her former boyfriend Duke. It's really sad that the cartoon is more brutal and has stronger characters in both the protagonists and antagonist than the movie. Seriously, the actually toned down The Baroness, Snake Eyes and Destro's origins. WTF! I repeat the toned down their origins.

Actually, compared to the 1987 movie, they toned down just about everything in this version. Now, I don't want to be one of those folks who trashes something without giving ways they could have made this a decent movie. Sadly, I feel if they would have done any of these and kept everything else the same this movie would be a keeper rather than I punishment not permitted by the Geneva Convention.

First, they could have had more Joes in the background, hell in the workout scene alone they could have had 8 or 10 non speaking extras that could be identified in some form or another. Like having a guy on the treadmill next to Scarlett with a large tattoo of the Marines emblem on his chest or a guy in a red football jersey grabbing some weights or a guy wearing a Union Calvary or a Red Socks hat picking up weights. I mean this is supposed to be an ultra elite branch of the military and they only have 5 members and one of them never leaves the office? LAME. They could have had Xamot and Tomax in a meeting with Destro just wearing business suits with Cobra tie pins and I would have been happy.

Another way is if they had not changed Snake Eyes and The Baroness' origins so much making them pansies compared to their animated doppelgangers. Hell, the girls from W.I.T.C.H. could win a tussle with these characters. The director and writer could have learned a lot if they would have approached this project the way J.J. Abrams approached Star Trek and, though I'm not much into Star Trek that movie actually made me rethink my beliefs about Abrams and his talents (or lack there of). This movie also has the problem of stealing its biggest piece of action from Team America and actually doing a worse job at it. Seriously, if you are thinking about finally seeing this movie go watch either G.I.Joe: The Movie (1987) or Team America and you will have a much more entertaining viewing experience. This movie should be used in film school as how not to make a movie and by that I don't mean as an adaption of another work or as reworking of an old franchise I mean a just a general movie. The professor and his students should have the writer(s) and director visit their classes (or attend them to learn what film making actual is) and have the students go over it scene by scene and tell them how off the mark they were in each one. I honestly believe these film makers should personally give back every dollar that this movie made to us poor saps that sat through it.

Wow! Two posts in one month?!?!

So, lately I've been reading the Showcase collections of The Unknown Soldier and Bat Lash and while reading them I started thinking about how awesome an Unknown Soldier movie would be. This Would make such a dope WWII movie. It has everything, a protagonist whom disguises himself to look like who ever he needs to be, Nazi punching, the pathos of a man who lost his face in battle. This could be the best WWII movie ever.



Seriously, just the tagline of "The right man in the right place can change the outcome." Put that on the movie poster with a darkened silhouette of the Unknown Soldiers bandaged up face and it would be just like printing money. Looking at Bat Lash however, I think his adventures would work better on television, despite it being a western I actually think a Bat Lash TV show would do really well, especially on USA. That channel would be perfect of the gentleman rogue whom trouble finds whenever he walks into a new town set up the series long story of him looking to exact revenge on the guys who killed his family and a girl and town of the week and you get ratings gold!



Well, those are me thoughts on a couple ideas for TV and movies.

A new post??? Finally!!!

So, I haven't been able to blog as much as I was hoping I would be when I decided to stop posting Monday thru Friday. Things have just been crazy lately and I haven't had much time to pontificate on comic book stuff. Last night though, while I was laying in bed about to pass out out I had I thought I just had to share with my faithful readers (all two of you,lol). Getting on with it. I'm thought was this. I think Wildcat (Ted Grant) would be a natural character for Warner Bros. to make a movie about. Whit his history as a boxer turned superhero. I think he would be a hero that would transition quite nicely to film. Best of all you could do the movie as the story of a depression style hero or as a modern day hero that's a bit past his prime but, still able to beat the snot out of the criminals he runs into. In my opinion either of these stories would work nicely on film. Even his costume would transition nicely onto film since he basically just wears a cat costume, that looks like you could by it at a costume shop. Well, there you go that's the thought I just had to share with you my adoring public (lol).

Star Trek: The OC Generation

So, today I thought I'd sure with my readers my thoughts on the newest Star Trek movie. Now this isn't going to be a full on review, but there will be some spoilers in here. So, if you haven't seen the movie yet. Go and check out the posts I've done making fun of Aquaman. There's quite a few of them, since making fun of Aquaman is pretty much a category here at Monkey Knife Fight. For those of you who have seen the new Star Trek flick or those of you that don't care about spoilers. Let's getting down to business.

One of the major things that bugged me about the film was how Kirk was written. Personally, I thought they made him a bit too angsty (of in my world the only definition of angst James kirk has is as a reason to slap Spock around). I thought the guy who played Kirk was pretty good, though he could have used a bit more swagger. I just think the writers tried a bit too hard to flesh out the character of James T. Kirk. I like the Jim Kirk whose goals in life are to make Wilt Chamberlain look like a dateless wonder and beating up Kilingons (for fun). Honestly, I think all the actors did a bang up job in this movie. My to favorites were the guy who played Dr. McCoy and Simon Pegg. The cat playing Bones had a tough job in order to win me over as I think DeForest Kelley was the coolest of the O.G. cast. Even Shatner looked kind of lame when the episodes focused on McCoy. In short McCoy's been my favorite character since I started watching Trek. Now, I wouldn't call myself a Trekkie or trekker or whatever the new one is, in fact this is the first thing Trek, I've watched in years. But, the guy they got to play Leonard McCoy, I thought was pitch perfect (even if they screwed up the meaning behind his nickname). I think the guy who played him is Karl Urban, I hadn't heard of him before the flick. Though looking him up on imdb it looks like he was in Lord of the Rings (which may be why I hadn't heard of him,lol). As for my favorite actor in the flick, Simon Pegg. I thought he made an awesome Scotty, in fact after this I wouldn't mind if in the next digital remixed episodes they replaced Jimmy Doohan with him (I'm joking of course,but he really did an awesome job). Watching the audience roar with laughter every time he opened his mouth was really something. He did fantastic as a drunk Scotsman who's also a physics genius. Really the only cast member I did think did to well of a job, was Eric Bana as the villain (Nero) and really the only problem I saw in his performance was that he wasn't nearly as ham-fisted as you need to be to be a good Star Trek villain. My only other major critique of the flick was it's length. I'm not very into movies being more than 90 minutes long. the main reason for this rule is that after 90 minutes I start getting impatient for the ending as I don't have a very long attention span (Hey,look, a squirrel) I also liked the whole plot as an explanation for continuity errors thing they did in the movie. I thought it was a clever way of getting around continuity and starting the franchise off from scratch. I don't know if it's a good enough flick to buy or keep. But, I wouldn't mind seeing it again if the opportunity came up. All in all a good way to kill a couple of hours. Before the bars open up.

Life still doesn't like my blog :(

I'm still getting my ass kicked by real life and haven't been able to read comics or think about how could beat how in a fight to destroy the Amalgam Universe. So, instead I thought I'd dust off an old chestnut and share with you some of the funner search terms people have used to find me here at good ol' Monkey Knife Fight.

Deadpool faster than a speeding bullet... Yes, Yes he is :)

Green Lantern Bowling Shirt... I totally want one. So, whoever used that term if you find a GL bowling shirt drop me a line :)

Adam West... I will take the high road and not make a joke at this amazing actor's expense.

harley quinn toples... I can't decide if this is meant to be Harley Quinn topless, or topples. Either why whatever they were looking for sounds pretty entertaining.lol

snowball monkey fight... This may be more entertaining to watch than a monkey knife fight. As long as one of them gets a snowball right in the ear.

How to Fight Fading Theory... That's easy...New Theory

great movie pitches...I agree my Guy Gardner movie pitch was great, great indeed.lol

Awesome movie pitches... Again, I concur :)

jake busey guy gardner... It's like he was genetically engineered to play the part.

Kirk knife fight video... The Shat vs. a monkey... Genius!!! Pure Genius!!!

Well, there you go some of the more entertaining (at least to me,lol) search terms used to find your humble hosts blog. Goodnight and have a pleasant tomorrow

The new Bat Titles

Well, it's snow quite feircely out here and I'm being a bit lazy. So, I thought I'd throw in my two cents about the new Bat books coming out in June. From every thing I've seen about that so far the only on that looks interesting enough for me to try out is Batman and Robin. Other than that I think I'm going to drop the ones replces all of the other Bat-family books I was reading. Really the only Bat book (if it can be considered one) that I'm really looking forward to is Oracle's mini-miniseries. Other than that one they all seem knida lame so, it looks like I'm going to free up quite a bit of space in my comic book budget. I guess I can try out some new stuff or whatever. At least they haven't screwed with GLC or Booster otherwise I wouldn't be reading much of the monthly books. I guess that's good. Well, that's all I have to say today. Hopefully the sun comes out so I can go see "I love you,man" tonight. Otherwise it's gonna be a pretty lame night for this one letter wonder.

Can't Blog Clown Will Eat Me!

Well, I don't really have much to say today. So, I just thought I'd write up a few remarks on how big comic book movies have gotten over the past few years. Of course, the funniest thing about this phenomenon is how Hollywood has viewed comic books in the past and how us comic book fans knew better. We've know for awhile that if the companies used the right stories and spent enough money to do them right, that comic book movies could be completely awesome. No matter what genre the books were and I think we should all take a little pride in the fact that Hollywood really doesn't know anything. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing. It really is only a bad thing when the moguls, producers and, stars think they know something about what people want to watch. Of course, if true Redacted or Stop Loss would have made more than $15(combined). I think one of the many problems throughout the entertainment business (including comics) is when they try to stick with a certain formula because they think that it was that formula that made the project work. when in reality it was the project that worked and the formula was just a way of getting from point A to point B. I also think these industries have a problem with trying to find new and better material rather than doing retreads or figuring out that "winning" formula. I feel they should take more risk and throw more ideas against the wall to see, what sticks. After all Watchmen wasn't a good comic because it was "grim and gritty" it was good because Alan Moore is an insane genius. Well, that's my two cents have a good weekend.

Movie Pitch: Guy Gardner

I thought I'd do something different today. This morning I was in the shower and I got the idea for the most awesome, action packed movie ever! That's right Guy Gardner. Well,technically it would be a trilogy. The first to movies would focus on Guy becoming a Green Lantern and the last movie of the trilogy would be Justice League International. So, let's get to it. Shall we?
Here's the pitch. The movie opens with Guy charging his power ring and the battery exploding and sending him into a coma. It then flashes back to his childhood in Baltimore and shows his family, his relationship with his parents, his juvenile delinquency and how his brother Mace set him on a better path. It would cut between these flashbacks and scenes at the hospital of Hal talking to him and the doctors. It would then show Guy becoming a football star, going to the University of Michigan and getting his bachelor's degrees in Education and Psychology. Then, the movie cuts to Oa and shows the beginnings of the rift between the Guardians (which will lead directly to the ending of the first film). We then flash to Guy's work as a prison social worker where he meets Hal Jordan. The first film ends with Guy becoming a Special Education teacher and the Guardians splitting into two factions.
The second movie picks up with Guy becoming Hal's backup and him continuing his work as a teacher until he was hit by the bus saving a lttle girl during an earthquake. It then cuts to all the renegade Gaurdians (save for one) being slain by Bolphunga The Unrelenting.It then follows up on the events which lead to Guy's power battery exploding at the opening of the first film. After this the remaining Guardian goes to Earth, wakes Guy from his coma and makes him a Green Lantern. The rest of the movie showing him tracking down, defeating and imprisoning Bolphunga and of course, the third movie would open with him sitting at the meeting table in the headquarters of the Justice League with his feet on the table waiting for the rest of the team to arrive.

And now that I've pitched it. Here's my picks for the cast of the Guy Gardner trilogy.

Guy Gardner - Jake Busey. You can't tell me he wouldn't be perfect for this role.

Roland Gardner - Gary Busey. Come on looking at the lead you can't tell me you didn't see this choice coming with the pick of the lead. Who better to play Guy's abusive alcoholic father than Gary fucking Busey.

Peggy Gardner - Judith Light. Seeing her on Law and Order, I think she has the chops for this role.

Mace Gardner - Sean Willaim Scott. Who better than Stifler to play Guy's older brother.

Hal Jordan - David Boreanaz. He was awesome in the role in New Frontier. So why not?

Bolphunga The Unrelenting - Kurtwood Smith. I don't think there could be a better person to play Bolphunga.

The Guardians - Stanley Tucci,Ben Kingsley, Armin Shimerman,Frank Langella, Clint Howard.

The Renegade Guadians - Fred Thompson,Robert Duvall, J.K. Simmons, R. Lee Ermey. Now those are some badass guardians.

The Last of the Renegade Guardians - Patrick Stewart. He's bold and he has the best voice ever.

Guy's Doctor - Bruce Campbell. I had to fit him in somewhere 'cuz he's just that awesome.

So, there you have it my plot and cast for the ultimate Guy Gardner movie.

Pop cultures most onesided fights

I'm in a bit of a silly mood today (well, to be honest it's actually more of a I need to be in a sillier mood) and in that spirit I thought it would be fun to list a bunch of onesided fights using characters from movies, TV and comics and maybe even one or two that could happen in real life (or already have). So, before this gets to be too long of an introduction...and away we go...
(FYI - The winners named first)

1) Guy Gardner vs. Boba Fett - That's right, the crazy GL vs. the guy who was knocked into the sarlac pit by a blind Han Solo.

2) Hulk vs. Willy Wonka - Hulk Smash! Then eat oompa loompas!

3) Alan Moore vs. Joe Quesada - one is a scary ass dark wizard that worships a snake god of his own creation, while writing crazy ass comics and the other guys is... well... Joe Quesada.

4) Dignity vs. Jimmy Fallon - If only he knew just how onesided this fight really was/is.

5) Mongul vs. Rictor - Boy, I bet he wishes he hadn't lost his mutant powers.

6) A DHL truck vs. Ch'p - Poor, poor Ch'p :*(

7) The Maxx vs. Sanity - PWN'd!!!

8) Scorpion vs. Phillip J. Fry - Get over here!!!

9) Cyborg Superman vs. Dr. House - If you stop beating me with my own leg I'll share my vicodin...

10) Firestorm vs. Emperor Palpitine - Force lightening...Not so good when you're figthing the nuclear man.

well, there you go some of the most onesided fights I would love to see and one or two that already have happened. In any event the thought of these folks fighting each other made me giggle and I figured I'd spread the funny.

Just an observation

For whatever reason when I woke up this morning. I started to think about sexism in comics and that made me start thinking about sexism in other mediums, like TV and Films. Now, I don't consider myself a feminist at all. I think everyone has a right to pursue happiness and that results may vary in achieving it and I think everyone should be judge by their skills and achievements. But, I was thinking about this and it struck me that as bad as comics can be when it comes to portraying in a way that most people would consider sexist. They seem to do a lot better at treating women as competitant and skilled people than TV or Movies do. Now, I'm not holding myself up as any type of authority on the matter. This is just an observation I have made. As far as I can tell the types of women that are considered heroic (even the ones that are stereotyped) still seem to be portrated as being stronger and more competent in comics.

Where no GL has gone before

I've been reading silver age Green Lantern issues lately and a thought occurred to me. Whether, by design or just coincidence (on the part of Star Trek writers) James Kirk is really similar in design to Hal Jordan. Mostly likely this is just because in the late fifties early sixties this archetype was what writers thought was what a man was supposed to be. Like Kirk Hal had a long string of romantic partners during that time, they both were men of action who depended on aliens (Spock the guardians) to step in when they were acting to emotional. In fact couldn't you see William Shatner circa 1964 playing the perfect Emerald Gladiator in a movie of TV show. I think back then Shatner would have made the perfect Hal Jordan.





Am I right? or am I right?

Jay Casts the Justice League International Movie

Since this is my favorite version of the Justice League. I thought it would be fun to share with my readers (all two of you) who I would pick to play these characters.
Batman ~ Christian Bale. This is a no brainer.
Blue Beetle ~ Ryan Reynolds, he would be perfect as the wisecracking Ted Kord.
Martian Manhunter ~ Kieth David, he has the perfect voice to pull off what would essentually be a CGI character.
Booster Gold ~ Neil Patrick Harris, he's pretty much playing this character already on How I Met Your Mother (minus the super powers, of course).
Fire ~ Paz Vega, This one is kinda hard 'cuz I don't know how she would look with Fire's green hair. Other than that though, I think this would be a good fit.
Ice ~ Kristen Bell, She has both the innocent look and inner strength that are the hardest pieces of Ice to play.
Mr. Miracle ~ Steve Carell, after his turn as Maxwell Smart. I think he would be perfect as the world's greatest excape artist.
Big Barda ~ Lucy Lawless. How could you go with anyone but Xena, to play Barda.
Captian Atom ~ George Eads, He already did a great job of playing him on the JLU cartoon and since the character would most like be CGI it wouldn't be that much of a change.
Rocket Red ~ Daniel London, He seemed pretty good at being clueless and faking a russian accent in Big Trouble and those are the main ingredients to play this character. so...
Guy Gardner ~ Scott Caan, okay I had to change this one because like I said he's the hardest one to cast. But, thinking it over I think he'd make a much better Guy than Jason Bateman.
Maxwell Lord ~ Thomas Gibson, He could play this part in his sleep.well, there you go.
My choices for the people to be in the Justice League International movie.

Geek-Cred and how to get it

For some reason this question comes up quite a bit. I think it has to do with my age and that I still like reading comic books (total geek-cred). Well the main reason is the stories comics have a more layered story than alot of the other forms of storytelling, especially movies and TV. Another reason is the characters. One of my favorites is a girl named Rahne (pronouced Rain) Sinclair, who grow up in a strict presbyterien household. Then when she was 14 she discovered she had a mutant power which in abled her to change into a wolf. For years she struggled with her animal and human sides along with her strict christian upbringing which for along made her feel like she was evil because of her powers.In the comics she's gone from someone who was shy and full of self loathing into a women whom is confident and outspoken,while still remaining true to her faith. Another fav of mine is the Maxx,a construction worker who suffers a psychotic break with reality and comes to beleive he must portect a women named Julie from threats that are mostly in his imagination.More than that Julie bonds with him and helps him to see were reality really lies and occassionally he does save her from real danger.Of course his brain does turn would be muggers into super villians,but that's the fun of it all.It's also more than that (but you'll have to read it to find out how much more,or rent the video). I think there is something really cool about using pictures to tell a story,maybe even something primal wrapped around the strands of our DNA. After all cave drawings were basicly one or two frame comics telling the story of great feats. Still there's more something about reading such an amped up version of the human condition. Which is what makes Spider-Man such a great character,sure he has amazing superpowers.But, he still has to worry about paying the rent, will his checks bounce,is he going to be fired all question we all ask ourselves and on top of that he has to stop complete psychopaths from trying to destory his city or kill his loved ones. Some of his best stories are the ones inwhich he must choose between helping someone he loves or saving the city from some napherious plot. Comics also seem better at mixing in humor with meledrama than movies or television.Books are somewhat better at this. There also seems to be something in human nature,where we feel our heroes and villians should have some type of supernatural or superhuman power. From Hercules fighting the giant Cyclopses to King Aurthur and Merlin.I use these examples because besides just stories I think of comic books as a sort of modern day mythology. Who knows maybe in a couple hundred years the people of that time will think of comics in the same quaint way we think of greek or roman mythology or maybe they'll just think of them as crude drawings the way we look at cave drawings or not.Yes, some comics are just plain dumb but what medium doesn't have that problem. Another cool things about comics is it's one of the few American art forms along with jazz,the mystery story and the banjo. I could go on and on but since nobody will probably read this I think here is a good stopping point.

Best Comic Movie,yet

So,here you go.I've decided to make a movie pitch.This is for a DC character so only Warner Bros. could make it. so,here it is. Mister Miracle. For those not in the "know" Mister Miracle is really Scott Free, the world's greatest escape artist. I know you're down but I'm going to sweeten the pot even more. Scott Free is a fugitive from the planet Apokolips. He and his wife (Big Barda,whom has the strength of Superman) Escape to Earth in the hopes of independence from the dictator, Darkseid. At first, Darkseid sends his minions to kill Scott and Barda. Through death defing heroics they (Scott and Barda) Return to Apokolips and go after Darkseid. In hopes of forcing him into a final conflict. Doesn't this concept just sceam blockbuster? It's got it all a querky couple (the wife can lift cars and the husband is an escape artist). Hell, this could be a fun sitcom,even. It also should have tons of explosions and hair raising escapes and to top it off the villain is a monolithic,despot, who's nigh-omnipotent.If you got the right director on this flick it would be just like printing money. But,that's just my 2 cents XD